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Relationship Counseling

Are You Feeling Frustrated and Disillusioned With Your Love Life?

Are you a single man who is tired of searching for the right person by swiping through Tinder, attempting small talk at parties or spending your nights at bars? Maybe you’re straight and recently moved to the Bay Area for a job, and it seems like it’s impossible to find time to meet single women, let alone know what you need to do to start a relationship. Or, you might be gay, and although San Francisco has a vibrant LGBT community, you feel lonely and left out, especially if many of your friends have started getting married and having families. It may be that you’re struggling to cope with a break-up and you feel isolated, depressed and unable to let go. Alternately, you might be married or in a relationship, but feel unfulfilled, drained and defeated by failed attempts to please and connect with your wife or girlfriend. Maybe you’ve cheated with multiple partners, or you find yourself swept up in a long-term, serious affair, and you’re not sure what to do. Whether you’re single, heartbroken or dissatisfied in your relationship, do you feel fed up with relationship issues and uncertain of how to make things better? Do you wish you could figure out how to improve your love life and have your needs met?

Dating Issues Are Incredibly Common, Especially for Men in the Bay Area

The tech industry has drawn many single men to San Francisco, and the dating pool can seem incredibly competitive, especially if you’re looking for a serious relationship. Career-driven men often find it difficult to dedicate time and energy to dating. And, if you’ve recently moved to the Bay Area, you might be unsure where to meet women in person and exhausted by spending hours on dating apps, only for your messages to go ignored. Online dating is difficult and discouraging, but it can also seem like the only realistic option.

Many introverted, intelligent young men feel awkward, shy and uncomfortable approaching women. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, especially because most men have never really learned to express their feelings or communicate with women. It can feel like communication issues are preventing them from being themselves and connecting with women in a meaningful way. Also, many men have been hurt by someone in the past, and the memory of whatever went wrong can further erode their self-esteem and make them doubt that they’ll ever find someone.

gay male couple hold hands on street

For other men, the source of dating issues can seem like a mystery. They feel confident in their careers, appearances and personalities, which makes it even more frustrating when things don’t click romantically. They can start wondering if they’re asking for too much in a potential partner and feel increasingly lost, irritated and angry. 

Single gay men can also face a unique set of relationship problems. After the passage of marriage equality laws, many gay men have watched more and more of their friends partner up and get married. Some gay men feel as though they’ve suddenly lost their chance to find lasting love, especially if they’ve recently gone through a difficult break-up. Others feel increasing pressure to meet the right person and settle down. 

Gay or straight, if you are looking for a partner or hoping to get over a break-up, you’re not alone.

Many Men Struggle With Infidelity and Intimacy Issues in Their Relationships 

At a very early age – from the media, friends, family members and more – most men learn that they should be tough. These versions of masculinity feed into the idea that expressing emotions and communicating feelings are signs of weakness. As a result, even when they are suffering, men frequently shut down, isolate themselves and try to deal with their problems alone. Discomfort with emotions can present a hurdle, especially when it comes to communicating and connecting in a relationship. Many long-term relationships or marriages fall into patterns of avoidance or conflict, with men feeling as though they can never say or do anything right. Amid career pressure, child-rearing responsibilities and communication issues with their wives or girlfriends, it can seem as though there’s no place where men can simply just be. It’s common for men to wonder if they are asking too much, or if this tension and dissatisfaction are just the way all relationships turn out in the end. 

young family and child sit in grassy pasture

It’s common for men to wonder if they should break up with their partners or continue to settle for less than they want and need. Caught in this difficult place, many men look outside of the relationship. Sometimes, infidelity is a one-time thing. Sometimes, it's many brief sexual relationships with a number of short-term partners. Other times, what starts small can soon turn into a serious, intimate relationship with another person. As the lies accumulate and emotions heighten, it can feel impossible to know the right thing to do. 

Individual Relationship Counseling for Men Can Improve Your Happiness

Regardless of the specific issues you’re facing, I can help. I offer counseling that is tailored specifically to men’s needs, from straight and gay dating help to break-up recovery and relationship advice for men who feel unhappy with their wives or current partners. You can develop the confidence and tools needed to communicate honestly, better understand your needs, avoid or transcend conflicts and create the relationship you want.

In our sessions, I provide a safe and welcoming environment where you can talk freely about your experiences and concerns. Making a good connection with the guys I treat is my top priority. I’m warm, humorous and nonjudgmental, but also honest and straightforward. In every session, I’ll listen to your concerns with compassion and sympathy, and then engage you with questions and feedback, providing real solutions that you can apply to your relationship problems in the here and now.

If you are struggling to find love, I can help you build communication skills and self-confidence so you feel empowered to approach potential partners and spark a connection. If confidence isn’t the problem, then together, we can look at what you want in a partner and explore your romantic expectations. I’ll provide expert, individualized guidance and relationship advice for you so you can stop feeling discouraged and start building relationships. 

hot air balloon festival

For those dealing with the pain of a break-up, I offer a supportive place to talk about your experience and find healing. Most people find that there is often an “expiration date” on being able to process the pain of a break up with friends and family. In our sessions, you’ll never have to be embarrassed “talking about her again.” We’ll work at your pace to help you find a way to break free of the longing for your former girlfriend or partner and curb your intrusive thoughts about the break-up. Together, we can help put your life back together to find a way forward. 

If you’re in an unfulfilling relationship or feeling torn by a past or on-going affair, relationship counseling is a place for you to pause and figure out what to do next. I’ll help you better understand where your needs aren’t being met in your relationship and honestly consider if you want to make it work. If talking about intimacy issues or infidelity is difficult, I’ll give you the space you need to express yourself in the way that feels most comfortable to you.

As a relationship counselor, I know it’s possible for you to feel more satisfied in your romantic relationships and happier in your relationship with yourself. You don’t have to feel lonely, unwanted or unheard anymore.

I’m considering relationship counseling for men, but I have a few questions and concerns

Can talking about my problems really change anything?

Relationship therapy is a process that’s more than just talking and expressing emotions. It’s about discovering internal resources, creating positive solutions to problems and putting those solutions into action. You are completely capable of learning new behaviors and changing your perception of yourself or your relationship. I can help free you from loneliness, hopelessness or guilt and in the process, improve your well-being, satisfaction and fulfillment in life.

I’ve tried relationship counseling before, and it didn’t seem to help – why try again?

Unfortunately, too many therapists don’t prioritize men’s needs, experiences and challenges. In my practice, I am dedicated to serving men from all walks of life. Together, we’ll look at what did and didn’t work with your previous therapist and how to fix those problems you were unable to resolve. At the same time, we will build on your past successes, develop new strategies for managing difficulties and identify exactly what you need to resolve the issues you’re facing. 

I fear I’ll be judged for any intimate details I might reveal.

I believe that the strength of my practice lies in my ability to connect and empathize with the unique story that each individual shares. The fear of judgment too often holds us back from creating strong relationships or pursuing our goals. I will never judge you for what you share in our sessions, and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. If talking is not your strong point, we can concentrate on an action-based approach and take things at your own pace. If we occasionally wander into conversations that reveal intimate details, I will offer you all the space you need and help you work through any issues weighing on your mind.

playful black couple smiles

Relationship Therapy Can Transform Your Love Life

I understand the unique relationship issues men too often face. Whether you’re looking for love, healing from heartbreak or wondering what your next step looks like, you don’t have to do it alone.

Let’s talk about how I can help you make a positive change. Call me now at 415-350-9611 for a completely confidential phone intake. If you are not comfortable talking on the phone, you can email me at timlewispsyd@gmail.com.

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