It’s never been easy to share the details of my parent’s deaths with others. As outlined in my upcoming book, Daddy, when I was twenty-eight my father shot my mother and then committed suicide. Though I didn’t directly witness the shootings, I was the only other person in the house at the time.

I’m not a religious person, but reading about the strange, sad end to the life of an actor Anne Heche has reminded me to pause for a moment to reflect on my own good fortune. As detailed in my upcoming book Daddy, I’m a trauma survivor who went through years of instability as a result of PTSD, depression, and addiction issues.

Many people struggle with setting healthy boundaries. Some sacrifice their own peace of mind to support a mentally unstable parent. Those with a grown child suffering with mental health or addiction issues can find setting limits even more confounding. Just how far should you go to support another person? How much is too much?

Even after recovery, PTSD can continue to make itself known for years after an episode of violence occurs. Case in point, I recently moved to a house that’s a bit of a fixer-upper. Excited to finally own my own place, I bought a pressure washer to take off some of the grime that had accumulated from the surrounding forest over the years.